I'm in a band:

And I want to start talking about it, because being in a band has been a whirlwind of feelings.

I’ve played piano in recitals, choir groups, church meetings, etc. all my life. I’ve sung in the shower all my life. 

I started playing piano with my friend Brady (lead singer/guitarist) and Julie (1 of 4, so far, violinist. We’ve recruited 3 more behind her) in the fall of 2011. For some unknown reason, I got roped into singing after I had signed on for piano. What was I thinking? I’d always been a good harmonizer, but good heck if anyone actually heard those notes coming out of my own mouth, I think I probably would have died! Yet, here I am today, singing my heart out and even taking the lead some of the time.

But, I’ll get back to that later. Our little trio played at some outdoor shows for apartments, a ward talent show, and some Open Mics. Real big stuff here. But it was the funnest thing I had ever experienced up until that point.

My high school boyfriend (now husband, see him over there? >>>) had just left on his TWO-YEAR LDS mission to Hong Kong, and since he was gone, I had too much time to think/cry/wallow/over-analyze too much about too many things. You get the picture, I’ll spare you the details. I didn’t think the whole “band” thing would last very long; just something fun to keep me busy. When I told Michael about it, he couldn’t even believe it. He’d heard me sing twice in our whole relationship, and now I was singing in front of groups of people. But this little hobby of mine was changing me, and soon became a safe haven. I don’t think I realized how much I relied, and still do, on the music until now, years later.

Photograph: Justin Hackworth // Styled by: Lindsey Shores

So, here I am today. Wife to that high school sweetheart, mother to our child, and still in that band that started almost 4 years ago. I know there are some out there who think I’m spending too much time away from my family, and focusing too much energy on something that is just “fun”, or just a “hobby”. And I get that. I’ve been telling myself this for the past year or so. But without fail, and with the steady support of my angel-of-a-husband, the music keeps pulling me back. And I say music, but it’s not just the music. It’s the real life SPIRIT that I feel pulling me, the life, the future, the opportunity, the excitement, the “thank you, you have no idea how much that song helped me tonight”s, the sweat, the emotion, and the love of Christ. It’s a real thing, and I try so hard to explain it with words, but I can’t. It’s something I feel that is beyond this world. And I will die before I ever deny that.

Stone’s Throw - A song that helped me in a confusing, fearful time:

Video by: Caitlyn Cutler // Shot in: June Audio in Provo, Utah

Because we need more of this. And sometimes we have to step into the dark to see how far our faith will take us. 

Something great:

Earrings: Etsy // Dress: Designed by Danise Salgado // Hair & Makeup: Nicole Carling // Photograph: Brittni Willie Photography

I’ve had this dream to change the world. I just want to be something amazing, to help a bazillion people. But maybe that isn’t going to happen.

Somewhere in Alma it says, “…by small and simple things are great things brought to pass,”

I kind of strive to live by that little piece of advice. Some of the best things in life are so small and so insignificant, and usually aren’t even noticed until they’re already gone and long over. But sometimes these little moments are the ones that give the most goodness, and supply the most happiness. 

I hope that by reading this blog, you feel a little greater.